Let go

I've been thinking about the idea of perfection a lot recently.  In this day and age, social media allows you -- no, compels you -- to be a voyeur into the perfect lives of "perfect" people.  Thecoveteur brings you into the perfectly curated homes of impossibly fabulous models, actresses and bloggers, whowhatwear takes you on red carpet to mingle with the perfectly styled and perfectly coiffed, and then there's Instagram and Pinterest, just so you know exactly how impeccably the rest of your social circle is living.  It's all a bit much!  It can be downright paralyzing -- instead of getting out there and living your life, you find yourself on your couch lamenting about the way your life should be.

This all came to climax for me personally when I was first applying to business school.  I don't think there was ever a time I felt worse about myself.  I'm already my own worst critic (as oh so many of us are), compound with the realization that every single applicant was absolutely stellar with unbelievable accomplishments -- I felt utterly and completely inadequate.  I hadn't started a clinic in Ghana, or raised $1MM for charity water, or sold my company for $50MM all before the age of 25.  At a time when I was supposed to be touting my own horn, proclaiming my accomplishments and boasting in general, I felt like a failure.

On top of all these feelings of inadequacy, I then had to write an essay about "what I wish I could've done better".  I had to somewhat intelligently and eloquently verbalize my flaws, my blemishes, my missteps.  I don't think I've ever had more trouble writing anything in my life.  My initial reaction was to take something I was actually good at, and turn it into a flaw that was actually good -- a la "I'm too much of a perfectionist" or "I care too much about things".  "This is not a flaw," my brother said when editing my essay. "No, but it is!  You see..." I tried to justify.  I probably went through about 10 rounds of edits on my initial essay, before a friend finally told me to see a psychiatrist b/c I couldn't write about an actual flaw, so I clearly thought I was perfect.

While I knew I wasn't perfect, I knew that I also had to admit that I had a mental block about admitting my own imperfection.  I went through a period of self reflection.  I pretty much cut myself out of the social scene and became a hermit.  It wasn't until I picked up the Steve Jobs book and read the following quote that I found some peace.

"What prepared him for the great success he would have in Act II was not his ouster from Act I at Apple but his brilliant failures in Act II."

Brilliant failures.  I love that.  One of my biggest learnings along my business school application journey has been to let go.  To not try to turn the mistakes and embarrassing moments into positive, but to look at them objectively, recognize them, learn from them and move on.  To embrace failure, conflict and tension -- because its these moments of hardship that birth growth and advancement and perhaps most importantly compassion.  Compassion for others, compassion for friends and family and perhaps equally important, compassion for yourself.